The ocean is rising at a quick snails pace

tidal gaugeTidal gaugeWell, well, well, the global warming — no, let me correct myself — climate change alarmists are at it again.

I awaken this morning to the catastrophic news headline on the Internet that “Sea Level Rise Accelerating, say Scientists.” Man, that sounds pretty bad. Before long, I will be able to go to Dothan if I want to spend a week at the beach. New York City will be underwater and Savannah will be like Atlantis — spoken about, but long gone.

These headlines were based upon an international team of scientists who published a report in a publication called Nature Climate Change. I’m no forensic investigator, but do you think a magazine named Nature Climate Change might have a little leaning one way or the other? I suspect if there is no claimed climate change, there is no need for the publication.

But what really caught my attention is this. Since 1901, until 2010, the oceans have been rising. Yes, begin the pounding of the chest and self-flagellation. If you own a beach house, burn it in the middle of the night and collect insurance before it is engulfed in the rising tidal wave.

Oh, by the way, how much in 109 years has the ocean risen since 1901? How about 7 inches … total.

Yep, it has averaged a rise of .06 inch each year, or one inch about every 15.5 years. Seven inches. That is a little more than half the length of my foot, or twice the length of my … well, better not go there, but it is less than the length of a standard ruler.

Next time you are at the beach, look at the high-tide mark and then move it forward toward your beach house, hotel, etc., 7 inches. That is where it will be in another 110 years. I see no way that man can react to this calamity in time. We only have a century before living with 7 inches less of beaches.

It is like being attacked by an army of snails. One day you look out the window and they are 500 yards from your house. A year later they are 200 yards away.

It reminds me of one of my favorite jokes. A man hears a knock at his door and looks down to see a snail at his doorstep. He figures he should do a kind act, so he takes him about two miles down the road to a nice forested area. A year later there is another knock on the door and the man looks down at the same snail. The snail looks up and says, “What did you do that for?”

Seven inches. The Sahara Desert was once underwater and we are in a state of hysteria about 7 inches. We have ISIS, Ebola, cops killing folks and folks killing cops, California drought, and Kim Kardashian hasn’t shown a single naked photo of her booty in over two weeks and we are worried about a 7-inch rise over 109 years?

By the way, exactly who was measuring the starting point of the tides back in 1901? I can see it now: “Clem, just put a stake right here. I can’t wait all day to see where the tide ends. We’ve got a pint of ale to drink.”

I’ll be at the beach in a few weeks and I’ll be sure to put my lounge chair .06 inch back, lest it wash away from where I put it last year. I’m selling my condo, too, ’cause if I don’t by 2816, the ocean will have swallowed it whole anyway. Oh, brother.